And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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