Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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