I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Randomize
