All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
