I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
