roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
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