EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
This couple is walking their pig around campus
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
