exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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