Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
