Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
