I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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