farters have to be the big spoon...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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