I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
