I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
