Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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