I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
