Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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