i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
