Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
