I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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