tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I would ride that face into the sunset
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
