After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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