I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
