You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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