I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
