sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
