you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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