i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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