You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
