what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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