true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
