Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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