Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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