the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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