took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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