White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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