I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
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There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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