I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just invented taco cereal.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
