Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
time to smoke my breakfast
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
