my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
