Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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