she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
