why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
