You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
