Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
