im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
