rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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