piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
