i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
