Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
