Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
