U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
