I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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