Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
