hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
