3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
