I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
