We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
