you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
