It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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