So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
