You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
