His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
