but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
