I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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