Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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