This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
