So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
