Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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