dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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