i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
