APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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