The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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