and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
