the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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