so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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