jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Holy sore nipples Batman
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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