Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
