Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
