In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize