In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
did i just pee glitter
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
