Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
